New Year's Eve

Today is the last day of 2006. At this time of the year I always find myself thinking about the past year. This year I am very happy with what I have achieved and about all the seeds I have planted. First off I would like to thank all my family and friends that have stuck by and supported me through out this past year. Without all your help and support I would not be where I am today.
In 2006 I have made a lot of steps towards achieving my goals and to becoming the man I know I can be. I have gone back to school. I started the Educational Assistant Diploma Program in January. Two out of the three semesters have been very successful. It is scary and I struggle a lot, but I am determined to finish it. I need to set a positive example for my God Daughter and the students I work with. This year I have successfully completed the Geneva Centre for Autism’s Intervener program. I have spoken at two special education conferences, and I am looking forward to doing more speaking. I also joined a football team. It was a very ruff start to the season trying to find things that fit, but I am looking forward to playing again this year. I have continued to work with the Council for Exceptional Children and Autism Ontario. I gave the Autism Society there new name. Some people may know that I owned the web site www.autismontario.com. They wanted to change there name and the liked Autism ONTARIO so I gave it to them. With the Council for Exceptional Children I am currently the President Elect. There fore I will be the President of the local chapter next year. I was also nominated for Autism Ontario’s REAACH Awards. That was a great night. I have been working very hard on my web site, and to live my life the way I know I should. I have been working on both my weight/health issues and my money problems. I have taken some huge steps with both. Most importantly I have worked hard to build and keep my relationships with my family and friends. I am very excited to say that I feel closer to my father now then I ever have before, and I am looking forward to the future. Finally I have finished making over my bedroom. This may not seem like a big think, but to me it is. Before I had everything I owned in my bedroom. It was a office, living room and bedroom all in one. And now it is my escape. It is a relaxing place to sleep and unwind from a long hard day. I love it! This is where I would tell you my new year’s resolution, but I don’t have one. I am going to continue to work towards achieving my goals and dreams and becoming the man I know I can be. I wish everyone a Happy and Successful New Year.

Christmas Day

Today is Christmas day! I am at my grand parents. I have not been here for Christmas since before my parents separated eighteen years ago. So I have not been here since I was thirteen. It is kind of weird being here, but I am enjoying myself for the most part. The hardest part is not having my own place to hide. I have noticed that I do that a lot and need it to relax and be comfortable. I am also following my meal plan which is also very isolating. Right now everyone is upstairs eating breakfast. I love breakfast. Besides eating and talking there is not a lot to do up here. I have still been going for my walks. Yesterday I walked in downtown North Bay. This meal plan is not easy, there fore I hope it really works. Christmas just dosen't feel right for some reason.

It is getting closer to Christmas, so people who see me on a daily basis may notice that I am becoming more angry or withdrawn. I don’t understand why people need to in flick more stress and more demand on there life’s. I really hope I can make it till work starts again with out freaking out. I don’t really have a lot to say. I don’t enjoy the Christmas season; I don’t like anything about it. I really think if I make it till January 8th with out screaming, yelling or freaking out I should get a reward.

Tis The Season

It is getting closer to Christmas, so people who see me on a daily basis may notice that I am becoming more angry or withdrawn. I don’t understand why people need to in flick more stress and more demand on there life’s. I really hope I can make it till work starts again with out freaking out. I don’t really have a lot to say. I don’t enjoy the Christmas season; I don’t like anything about it. I really think if I make it till January 8th with out screaming, yelling or freaking out I should get a reward.

Where am I

“Weight Loss is not a treatment for obesity.” I got this quote from my Dad this morning. A few times a week my Father picks me up at 6:45am and then we go for a walk at the mall. I really enjoy this time. There are no interruptions, and we can just talk. I have noticed that when ever I am involved in a social event it includes mostly drinking and eating. With going through health problems related to my obesity I have been spending a lot of time thinking. In one week how many times do we go out and socialize around food or drink, and how many times is it a healthy social meeting. Also a co-worker and I have been following a walking program he has. We have also joined Weight Watchers together. He and I are a lot alike, and it is good to know someone who is going through the same thing that you are. I am not going to be following the Weight Watcher plan one hundred percent. But I will be weighing in every week and going to weekly meetings. The reason for this is I have finally got in to the Obesity Clinic at Hamilton Health Sciences. Now I say finally because I have been waiting for almost two years. So I am on a different lifestyle change that is doctor monitored. Basically I will be eating three meals a day and three snacks a day. Two of the meals will be meal replacement that will have two hundred and fifty to three hundred calories and twelve to fifteen grams of protein. The snacks can be any fruits or vegetables. Also I will only be drinking water, tea or coffee. I will also be doing at least twenty minutes of exercise. For me to say I don’t have time would be like a diabetic saying I don’t have time to take my insulin. It is time to take control and responsibility for my life.

For the most part I am following what the doctor told me to do. I am finding it hard and have always struggled on weekends. The lack of structure is my biggest challenge. This is one of my concerns with the up coming holiday season. I am not going to be working for two weeks, there for it will be like a fourteen day weekend. My other challenge is the sweets that are lying around everywhere. Sometimes I think I would do better if I was alone somewhere for this whole time. But then I am also an emotional eater, so I would probably eat because I was alone.

Another thing they talked about at the clinic is to think about all the things that I have lost because of my obesity. So here is a list of a few things I can think of just off the top of my head. I miss activities that I loved like riding a bike, kayaking, swimming, playing basketball and street hockey. I have to worry about where I sit, will I break the chair, will I fit on the chair, and is there a table to sit at in the restaurant because I don’t fit in booths. I can’t buy clothes at any store that is not a Big and Tall Shop. I have never bought a drum corps T-shirt. I love going to movies, sporting events and live theatre, but it hurts to sit in there seats. I can’t tie my shoes in the center. I can’t play on the ground for a long time with my little god daughter. Walking up stairs hurts my knees. I don’t fit in any chairs at work. I have lost so much and I want it back. I want it all.

Letter to Grama

Dear Big Grama

I have not had the opportunity to come and visit you. I really want you to know that I truly miss you and think about you a lot. I really miss our talks, but still remember all the advice you gave me.

I just want you to know that I am doing ok. My relationship with my Dad and brother has become very strong, and I have been doing my best to be there for all my family members. I have been doing very well in my college work. I am pushing myself to do the best I can do when it comes to my job. Sometimes it is very difficult, because there is not a lot of incentive for me. But when I reach a child and watch them grow it is all worth it. Every time I interact with a student I do everything in my power to treat them with dignity, respect and energy. I know that I can do more, and everyday I try to do just that little bit more. If I am going to ask the students to do there best and try to improve everyday, then so should I.

Brodie is growing up so fast. I love just being around her. I know I could also spend more time with her. I feel bad when a few days go by and I have not seen her. But I am being pulled in so many different directions. I am spending a lot of time working on my health, my education, my career and being the best person I can be.

Finally I just want you to know you will always be in my heart, in my head and in my life. I love you.

I Am Who I Am.

I am a passionate person.
I don’t just walk through the motions.
I put my heart and soul into everything I do.

I am a person with a big heart.
I don’t just sit by as I watch people suffer.
I do everything in my power to help them.

I am a leader.
I don’t talk.
I lead by example.

I am a person with a Learning Disability.
I am not the Learning Disability.
It is just a part of me.

I am a dreamer.
I don’t just live moment to moment.
I plan and work towards the future.

I am a hard worker.
I don’t just sit around hoping for things to happen.
I work hard everyday to be the best person I can be.

I am who I am because no matter what happens I have the choice to accept it, or to change it.

I will never be a prisoner of other people’s beliefs or decisions.

My Life is My Life

Last week was very productive. There where a few things that I could have done better, but for the most part it was a great week. I once heard that you should not judge your day by what you reap, but by how many seeds you sew. So I have reached out to a student who is not a part of the special education department. We met and talked at lunch time. He informed me that he is passing two of his classes and failing two. We decided he would go on Monday and talk to the two teachers of the classes he is failing, and ask what he needs to do to improve in those classes. He also told me that he had just been diagnosed with ADD, and has started medication just a few days ago. After that he told me what he wanted to do when he was finished secondary school and about his interests. I think he enjoyed talking. Today he saw me in the halls and came up to me to tell me that he had talked to one of his teachers but the other one was not here today. This past weekend I went out again with a friend of mine from Mohawk College and her boyfriend. It was another great night. Lucky for me I made a new friend. Someone came to the bar after a very unsuccessful blind date. Well it sounded unsuccessful from what she was saying. She had the most beautiful brown eyes. Every time I looked her in the eyes you could see a kind of sparkle. She was great to talk to and a lot of fun to be around. And for the record I beat her in pool. This pass week I also got an email from my instructor at Mohawk letting me know that I earned one hundred percent on my final exam. It has also been a very busy week on my web page. I have added a lot to it, including two online stores. One for a company I have called White Trash Enterprises and the other for products for Educational Assistants. No my week was not just all roses; my job is causing me a lot of stress. Due to my medical problems related to my weight. Mainly my heart condition and my sleep apnea, I have been missing some work. So it is time to go through the “Wellness Program”. I am currently in stage two. There for after my meeting I will be in the next stage that is basically if I have one sick day in the next three months, I move to stage four. In this stage after my next sick day I can be dismissed. Needless to say it has been causing me a lot of stress, which is not the best for my heart. It caused me to miss the Council for Exceptional Children Christmas party. Even today my heart has been racing and my chest area just doesn’t feel right. But what can I do if I don’t come to work I can get fired. Ending the only thing in my life I have that I really care about, helping children. Or I can just keep coming to work no matter how I feel, and all that can happen is I have to work through the pain or worse case I have a heart attack. I guess it is time to choose life with no passion and reason for living, or a life filled with passion and a reason for living. That comes with some pain and maybe a better chance of death. It may not make sense to you but I choose the life with passion and a reason to go one.
As I have heard some where before, "you can either get busy living, or get busy dying."

Here It Comes

Well it is now fifteen days before Christmas. I hate Christmas! Now I don’t want everyone going nuts here, so let me explain. I don’t hate the spirit of Christmas. I don’t like all the social pressure, and all the stupid things that happen during this time. There is nothing greater then a holiday to help put people farther in debt. And if you think your kids don’t know when your family is struggling, you need to stop joking yourself. Something else that I can’t stand is people who will not accept the fact you don’t like Christmas. You can not like many other things but not Christmas. For example I don’t like tomatoes and no one ever throws tomatoes in my face and tries to force me into eating tomatoes. But when it comes to Christmas people just feel the need to keep telling me why I should like it, and doing what ever they can to make me get involved. Other things I don’t like is the extra drama involved. Whose house do you go to and when do you go there. Then if you’re really lucky you get to have people play games over the decision. Well you went there first last year so now you should come here first. Then there is the gift buying pressure. Who do you buy for and what do you get them, and if someone buys you something and you don’t get them something you feel bad. On top of all this it reminds me that I am still single, and am no where near being a father. And just so everyone knows there have been some very bad things that have happened to me around this time of year. That has affected my life dramatically for the worse. So there for I don’t like Christmas and I will like it when I choose to, not when someone else tells me to. Telling someone to like Christmas is like walking up to a smoker and telling them to stop smoking. They are not going to stop your just going to make them mad.

100 Years From Now

Well as they say another day another dollar. But is that really what life is about? The past two days have been very good. I have been very productive, on the ball, and have been very accountable. I have tried to follow all 13 ways to start winning on the inside. Today I had a very how can I say it. Ok I had a very intense morning. Things did not happen how I would like them, and I know this is going to happen. There are a few mistakes that I felt I made, that added to the situation. But I know what they are and I am going to do my best to correct them. With my job I know I am not going to be rich. I know this and that is not why I started to work in this field. The reason is I want to help children, and I want to help as many children as I can. Now I am not saying I am amazing at my job. I do the best I can do, and am always striving to make a difference. I have been focusing a lot of my time and thoughts towards one child. Now this child needs all the help we can provide. At the same time I am watching other students fall below the radar. So by the end of this semester I want to have an action plan in place to help a greater number of students, and to reach out to two students that I feel are flying below the radar. Being a LD person myself I know the tricks, and strategies LD kids use to not be noticed. Now the challenge for me will to be able to accomplish this on my own time. So it will not affect the students I am already working with. The other challenge will be to do it so my co-workers will not know I am doing it on my own time. It is a union job. The way I see it is first of all it is my time. I am not being paid at this time, and as long as I don’t interfere in any of my co-workers jobs there should be no problems. As Steven Covey would say I want "To live, To Love, To Learn and To Leave a Legacy." Now I would like to leave you with a final thought here is a quote I love. I first saw it on a Toonies 4 Autism brochure.

One hundred years from now
It will not matter what kind of car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
How much money I had in my bank account,
Nor what my clothes looked like.
But one hundred years from now
The world may be a little better
Because I was important
In the life of a child.
~Author Unknown

Winning Is An Inside Job

I don’t have a lot to say, so I thought I would share with you this quote. I am sorry but I don’t know the author.
"I have learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we be come."
I heard it on the CD I was listening to, called "Winning is an inside job!" by John Maxwell. In the CD John speaks about the 13 ways to start winning on the inside. I have decided to share with you the 13 ways, so here they are.
1.) Be responsible for yourself and your future.
2.) Listen and learn from other successful people.
3.) Love what you do and do it.
4.) Learn from your mistakes.
5.) Don’t try to be perfect.
6.) Change now before you must.
7.) Deliver what you promise.
8.) Don’t make excuses.
9.) Get control of your life.
10.) Work can’t see hours.
11.) Plan and prioritize.
12.) Believe in yourself, your mission and others.
13.) Give more to others then they expect.
I know after reading these a lot of people will say that it is easy or I do most of them. I challenge you to try to follow all 13 for the next 3 months. And be honest with yourself. Also please let me know if you are trying this and keep me up to date to know how it is going.

The Magic of Love

Today was nothing exciting until this evening. At first I went out to Turtle Jacks with a friend of mine I have known for about 13 years or more, and her cuzin. We had a good time. We shared many great stories and many great laughts. On my way home I got a 10-4 from a friend of mine from the EA program. So I went to meet her at the Time Out Bar and Grill. And I am very glad she asked me to come over. I saw something I have not seen in a very, very long time. I saw a woman who completely lighted up when she saw this guy. It was good to see that two people can still feel that way. Oh by the way I think this was the first night they spent together. The guy was great! He treated her like his own little princess. He took care of her with drinks, protected her when she needed it, and at the end of the night he was a supportive ear to listen to her. It has been such a very long time since I have been involved in a relationship like that. It is what life is truly meant to be. I was so happy to be there and be a part of it. I truly wish you both the best now and in the future.

Too Much

It has been a little while since I have written a blog. But I have been thinking a lot. To be honest I was all ready to blog about how much I hate cell phones. Now I spend a lot of time alone with my thoughts, and with having ADD I have many thoughts and they change and pop in and out a lot. Just before I started writing this blog I was cleaning, as I was going from one job to another. You know I can’t just do one thing at a time. It hit me like running into a brick wall. Now just for the record I have never run into a brick wall that I can remember, but anyways. A big problem I have in my life is too much. I know that is a general statement but please bear with me here. Yesterday I was hanging out with someone I have not seen in awhile, and they are very close to me. Everytime their cell phone rang, they would answer it. This would leave me sitting there with no one to talk to. This is where my hatred for the cell phone came from. Now just for the record the person I was with is not a working person who was on call. Thinking about this for awhile brings me to my new theory we will call it. The problem with the world and with life is “Too Much”. The cell phone is a great invention. I do own a cell phone of my own. But if you never turn the ringer off and always have it on and always have to answer it. The cell phone becomes a hindrance. This goes for anything. I was just running around cleaning up, and picking things up. Now most of it was used once and thrown out, or I just had too damn many of them. I have had a huge pile of clothes in the basement that I have not worn in at least 6 months. But there they are down stairs causing everyone in the house stress, and making more work. I don’t think I have met many people in my life who say they have too much time. Life has been taken over my “Too Much”. You have heard of the term keeping up with the Jones. This refers to getting newer and better stuff, sacrificing fincial futures, family time, and life. When it comes to my issues with the corporate world it is not what they sell that I mostly disagree with. But that they push it and try to sell more, and more. Alcohol is not bad. Studies have shown that is small amounts some of it can be good for you. It is not the one drink that kills people on the road it is Too Much. One can of coke will not kill you but Too Much coke is not good for you. I wonder how much stuff people have in their home that they don’t even know they have it or never use it. Think of all the money that is waisted. Now I am not saying that I don’t indulge in Too Much, because I do. And it has lead me to a pile of debt, life threatening health problems, and leaves me asking what happened to my life. I am not posting this to preach, but I wanted to share my thoughts with you. I will leave with a few lines from a song that I love.

“My Grandpa farmed for a livin',Content to live the simpler kind of life.My Grandma worked in the kitchen,Awfully proud to be that farmer's wife.They used to say that they'd got everything that they need,Each mornin' they wake up:Four walls, three words, two hearts, one love.”

The song is call Four Walls, by Randy Travis