Brother

I was reading a book about learning disabilities today. The one chapter was talking about siblings and there relationships. I would like to share with you the part I liked the most. "The sibling relationship is the only truly lifelong relationship that we have. Our relationships with our parents will last forty to fifty years, but our link to our siblings is likely to last sixty to eighty years." I do have a younger brother. He is a good brother, but we didn’t always get along. With all my educational problems, and time my mother spent helping me. I wonder if this has anyway helped cause my brother some of the challenges he has experienced in his life. When I think of what has happened, I truly believe that this maybe the case. I will have to spend more time thinking about this. I also wish the some people in my life understood more about Learning Disabilities. There fore understanding my situation better. But before I expect anyone else to learn more, I must take the time to learn everything I can about them myself.

"Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero." ~Marc Brown

"Help your brother's boat across, and your own will reach the shore." ~Hindu Proverb

"As we grew up, my brothers acted like they didn't care,
but I always knew they looked out for me and were there!" ~Catherine Pulsifer

Quick Sand

There are a lot of thought in my head tonight, some good, some bad. I don't really know what to tell you. I am disappointed in myself and choices I have made. I feel like I am stuck in quick sand.

On a positive note I just want to say that I am very proud of you Barb! Your wicked awesome!

REEACH Awards

Well tonight was an awesome night. I went to the REEACH Awards. (Recognizing Excellence in Educational Assistants for CHildren) I was one of the nominees. All the winners are very deserving, and I was very happy to be a part of the evening. It was great to see some of the EAs from St. Mary’s Secondary School that I worked with for the past few years. I also ran into some women that I have taken classes with at Mohawk. I brought them all left over desserts from the dinner. I received a lot of great hugs tonight. Man I love hugs! Thank you to Mohawk College and Autism Ontario for a great evening.

Lost My Song

So while I was lying in bed last night I was thinking about what has changed in my life, and not for the better. At first I spent sometime thinking about what have I been not doing, or been doing differently. Every morning before I would wake up around 5:30ish and make myself some breakfast. I would make the same thing everyday. I really enjoyed it. I would make egg whites with a cup of mixed vegetables in it. I also make a little minute steak, a honey bran muffin, about 8oz of cantaloupe. Finally a glass of skim milk, and a glass of light orange juice. Knowing that I am not a morning person this is a big thing for me. Now it is not just the fact I am unmotivated to get up, but a chain of events that fall after this. When I am up to do all this, wait a second here. I need to make sure you are sitting. I don’t want you to fall over. Ok are you sitting? Good! While I am making my breakfast in the morning I listen to my mp3 player and sing. Yep. That is right I said sing, and sing with all my heart. Then I get ready for work. I would walk to the bus stop. That takes about seven to ten minutes. Then on to the bus where I have about one hour to myself to listen to music, read, or just to think. I arrive to work about fifteen minutes early. Just enough time to get my bearings, grab a tea, and talk to a few co-workers. But for the past few weeks or even a month I have not been motivated enough to do this. I have been waking up in just enough time to shower, get a drive to work, and most the time I have been just on time or late. I hate being late! This affects my whole day. Everything seems rushed; I seem to go in to a survival mode, instead of trying to be proactive about my life. I don’t know what in my life has changed to cause this. But I am not me. I do try really hard to be the man I know I can be. And to live up to my own expectations I have for myself. I know that everyone has a reason for jumping out of bed every morning. It could be your child or spouse, someone you hold close to your heart. Maybe it is a dream you have or a passion to help someone. For everyone it is different. But what I do know I use to have this and somewhere along the way I lost it. I need now to figure out what it is I lost and how to get it back.

Feeling Sick

I am still sick! The thing I hate the most is I can't take anything to make me feel better. I have to suffer until I am better. Now there is one thing I can take, black elderberry extract. I am hoping to be better soon. Thursday I am attending the REEACH Awards at Mohawk College. I really want to be there. I have given my word that I am going so I will do everything in my power to be there. Nothing else to say really, but being sick sucks.

Sick

Today I was off sick from work. I like everyone, hate being sick. Now I only have a cold. So I don’t know if I should go in or not. One thing that bugs me is when people are sick and still come into work, and spread there germs. So I have decided to stay home until I am better. One problem I now have when I get a cold is I can’t take any meds because they stop my heart meds from working.
This brings me to my next topic. I have a learning disability. As I was putting a new Autism news story on my web page. I realized that if there where any people with a learning disability, which had difficulty reading. My site was not accessible to them. So at the end of every Autism news article I have put a link to an audio file of my computer reading the article. I will try in the future to make sure my site is as accessible as possible.
I am also really enjoying all the comments people are leaving on my blog. So thank you everyone for all the kind words. I encourage anyone to leave comments.

"Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears." - Les Brown

Tommy Douglas

Well I did carry around my little note pad and came up with a few challenges around delivering what I promise. I have been having challenges in remembering to bring things I need for the day. The other biggest challenge I have discovered in delivering what I promise is remembering what I say. I found that through out my busy day a lot of my conversation would happen in the middle of doing something or on the run. There for I have come up with a few ideas that I think will help me to be able to deliver what I promise. One is to keep caring the little note pad in my pocket. I will use it to keep track of things I need to do and remember. Also to keep track of what I promise and when I have promised to have it done by. The other idea I have is to stop myself one hour before I go to bed and prepare for the next day and for bed. I will take this time to pack everything I will need for the next day. I have problems in the morning remembering to bring what I need, because I am not a morning person. I like my father his father and his father before him believe that a man is only as good as his word. Great people deliver what they promise. Tonight I watched a movie about Tommy Douglas. While watching it I also looked him up on the internet. Then started to look at the web site entitled “The Greatest Canadian” that is hosted by the CBC. I will put a link at the bottom of this blog. I looked at some of these names that are on this including Tommy Douglas, Terry Fox, David Suzuki and Lester B. Pearson. There is something I feel all these people have in common that is a strong belief in what is right, a passion to stand up for what they believe in and integrity. This goes for great people of the world like Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela and Mahatma Gaudi. They also all have these characteristics. I think the world needs more people like this, and more people need to strive to live like other people they admire. I also think we need to recognize our local heroes and outstanding members of our community.

“Man can now fly in the air like a bird, swim under the ocean like a fish, he can burrow into the ground like a mole. Now if only he could walk the earth like a man, this would be paradise.” Tommy Douglas

http://www.cbc.ca/greatest/

Don't Ask

Sorry not in the mood to update today. I recieved an email that has made me very angry. I will wait till I cool down to say anymore.

Overwhelmed

The word for today is overwhelmed! With deadlines for school, personal and my professional life are causing me a lot of stress. It also doesn’t help that I keep putting off the challenging thing or labour intensive thing I need to do off. I am very critical of my performance levels, and my efficiency. Like most people the way I am viewed by others is some what important to me. Now it is not all people’s views that matter, but there are a lot. I have to figure out a way that I can deliver what I promise. This is very important to me. So for the next few days I will be caring around a little note pad and writing down problem I find and ideas to fix them.


Something else that is really bugging me and well has for the last month or so are my extreme feelings of loneliness. I know I have family members that I can talk to, but my life is missing that special someone. I really noticed this when I was at the conference. I had an amazing three days, but no one to share it with. My Mom reads this so yes I know you are there for me anytime I need you. And I really do appreciate that. My Mom is the best I love her to death. If I didn’t have to talk to the people at work, I could probably go days with out verbally communicating with people. My phone almost never rings to the point I have stopped carrying it around. I do communicate through email sometimes and now a days very few text messages. I know this sounds like a pity poor me party. And yes I am very aware the many, many people have it a lot worse then I do. But that doesn’t change my feelings. I think the bottom line I am trying to say is doing all that I try to do alone is really starting to really wear on me. I consider myself a very strong people. But there is only so much I can give without receiving emotional support. I feel as it my inbox is always over flowing and there is almost nothing in my outbox

Municipal Election Day

Today is municipal Election Day. There is not as much buzz as there is for provincial or federal elections. I have been talking to a number of co-workers about today’s election. It seems like not a lot of people care. The most common comment that I keep hearing is “how do I pick the lesser of two evils”. I think this is a big problem. Why is it that people who run for political office are portrayed as evil? Who is it who makes this image? Is it the other people running for office, or the media, or maybe just a long running distrust in public officials? I don’t know.


Today I am back to work. I am not sure how I feel, but I have this deep feeling that I want more, almost like my talents and skills are not being used. I do the best I can do with every student I am assigned to work with. Even if it is not in my job description I will do it. There is so much I want to accomplish and learn. Everyday in my job I see people doing things that I just watch and shake my head. I need to find the strength and courage to say or do something about it. You just know that if anyone finds out I said anything, the persecution will start. But I feel deep in my heart that I should do what I feel is right. As my mission statement says “I believe in standing up for what is right and standing up to what is wrong”. It is time to walk the talk.

Bring It On

It is Sunday night! I am looking at the beginning of a brand new week. There is a lot on my plate for this week. Not much to say but I will give it my best. Bring it on!!!

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today" By James Dean

50th CEC Conference

Well I have not had much time to write my blog for the past few days. I have been away at to 50th Provincial Council for Exceptional Children Conference in Richmond Hill. Wow that is a mouth full. But I have to tell you it has been the best three days of my educational career. And I know no one at work will believe me but it is a lot of work. You sit and listen to different workshops on different topics from eight in the morning til four in the afternoon. Also on top of that all the breaks you get are networking and more information seeking times, so even though your on a break or lunch your brain doesn’t stop. Friday the busiest day was the greatest for me. It started with my presentation that I think when very well. Went to a few workshops and all day people where congratulating me and asking if I would be willing to come and speak to there EAs. That is an amazing feeling. Then around 3:30pm I dressed up like Mickey Mouse and presented a Life Time Achievement Award. I love the fact I was involved in presenting such a great women her award. For the next two hours or so I just walked around the hotel dressed as Mickey. It was too much fun. There were a lot of little hockey players running around and along with them, the hotel staff and other guest seem to really enjoy it. I had people taking there picture with me and I put a lot of smiles on there faces. After I got back to my hotel room and took the custom off, I laid down and fell asleep. Then woke up in time to almost be late for the President’s dinner. All in all it was an amazing three days. I now have to sit down and make sure career wise I am on the right path and make sure I am following it.

I would also like to take this time to thank all the men and women who have sacrificed to make it possible for me to live here in Canada, and to live the life I do.

Slow Down

Anyone notice how fast life goes past us. Before you know it, it will all be over. I have had a few years with a lot of death in my family. I have lost my aunt and grandmother on my fathers side of the family. Also my best childhood friend Doug. Do I have regrets you bet I do. Like the fact me and Doug didn’t really talk anymore for about the last 10 years. But just few weeks before he died in a car crash, I tried to get together with him. But we where both busy. Do you know to this day I can’t tell you what I was busy doing. I only know one thing it was not as important an seeing him. The problem I see in the western world is things that should matter don’t really anymore. The things that were important to my father and his father don’t seem to be important to me or my brother right now. All that matters these days is money, bigger and better stuff at any cost. Parents are spending less and less time with there children. Working at a high school you can see the negative affects everyday. I remember went my grandmother and I would have long talks about life now and how life use to be. I really enjoyed every conversation we had. I remember her always talking about how happier people back then where. When families where able to pay bills , feed and cloth there families everything was good. Back there everyone know then neighbor, and families spent more time together. Now a days there is less of a feeling of community, people don’t know a lot of there neighbors. I just wonder where our world is going, when large companies can target children with unhealthy food and sugar water(a.k.a pop). Companies make money off selling cigarettes, even though it is a proven fact that smoking can lead to death. Even our government when I think of the 3 most addictive things that are legal tobacco, alcohol and gambling. They control and make a lot of money on all three. Money seems to be the only thing that matters in today’s world, and sometimes at the cost of our health and well being.

Goal Number Two

An other day done! Work went well, nothing amazing, just an average day. After work I went to the doctors. Things also went well there we talked about a lot of the medical problems I have been having. Besides that the only other thing I did today is drive my drunk brother home. While I was with him someone called me who I am choosing to not communicate with called. My brother called her back, and all I have to say is I don’t know how he sleeps at night.

Now on to my plan to achieve my Goal #2 Weight less than 325lbs. The first thing I need to do is to cut some foods out of my diet. There for the following is no longer a part of my life.

No more fast food or food from chain restaurants.

No more pop or alcohol

Not to buy anything from a convince store (except water)

Along with cutting all these items out I will be going on a strict diet for the next 3 to 4 weeks. I will be eating one solid meal a day. Switching between one day breakfast and the next dinner. All sold meals will be 50% fruits and vegetables. Besides that every 3 to 4 hours I will be drinking an Ensure. As we all know you can’t lose weight with only eating. I am going to fit in at least 45 minutes of walking. This maybe as easy as getting off the bus a few stops early. I will be weighing myself at weight watchers. Since that is the only place that has a scale the can weigh me. After speaking with my doctor I will also be checking back with him on a regular basis. I will be following this plan for the next 3 or 4 weeks. After that I well evaluate how things are going and if anything needs to be changed. The day I go and weigh myself at weight watchers, I will also be taking some measurements to help me decide if it is working or not

Dissappointment

Feeling kinda of like a disappointment today. I don’t ever seem to do enough to make people in my life happy. My left knee is killing me today. I was sitting on my bed and my knee was really sore and twitching. My Goal # 2 is to weigh less than 325lbs. I really need to do this I am very tired of physical limitations, non-stop pain, and worries about dying. I need to develop an action plan and follow it. Follow it to the point where I feel if I don’t I will die. Because push comes to shove if I don’t, I may die. So tomorrow night I will bring you the action plan I am choosing to follow. Besides that I did get alot done today, and am happy with that.

Take The Lead

Well today was an ok day. I worked outside by raking up the front yard. Besides that the best part of my day is when me and my Mom watched the movie "Take the Lead". Both my Mother and I work is schools and believe is all student. We also like working with the student a lot of people don’t like to or think that they are not worth it. I can’t remember the last time we spent time together just watching a movie. It was great!!!!

Yogi Berra

I don't really have anything to say about today. So I will share with you a quote I found tonight that I like.

"If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else."
Yogi Berra