My Choice

Last night I went clothes shopping which is never a joy for me, but this was the worse trip ever. It is hard to write about… I was at a big and tall clothing store and I was struggling to find anything that would fit me. It was an emotion filled trip; at first I was very, very angry. Then as I tried on a few things I become very sad and felt very hopeless. It took everything for me to be able to hold back the tear. I don’t cry I kept saying to myself in my head. I had to shut down all my emotions. It made me feel empty inside. When I was done I had to drive across the city to go to McMaster to help change some drums heads. The drive was a very long drive and seemed to take for ever. Positive part was it gave me time to think. In the past this would invoke a few drinks and some comfort food. Well not really some comfort food, a lot of comfort food. Right away I texted a close friend of mine so I would not feel like I was dealing with this alone, and she right away made me feel supported. The decision is mine now to follow past habits or to forge some new ones. A movie quote came to my mind from one of my favorite movies, “it is not about how hard you can hit, it is about how hard you can hit and keep moving forward.” So I decided to fight! To take responsibility for where I have taken my life! I have the power to change! I did not stop and pick up any comfort food which for me is fast food or pizza and wings. I did what I had to do and want for a walk around Bayfront Park. When I got home I had a healthy snack, showers and talked to my friend on the phone. I feel like I turned a negative into a positive.

Starting Point

         The Buddhist say all life is suffering, and everyone want to avoid suffering and wants happiness. This is something I have been thinking about a lot. I find myself getting tired of all the suffering I inflict on myself in my own life. Sitting here today I have realized I am getting in the way of my own dreams and goals.  There is so much I want to achieve in my life that I hunger for, but my weight is getting in the way. It is time to change that. There are a few things I am looking forward to after I achieve my goal of weighing less than 350lbs. I look forward to going to see a movie and live theatre again. I look forward to going to a restaurant and sitting where ever I want. I look forward to kayaking again. I look forward to dressing up again. I look forward to being around children and not hearing any fat comments. I am looking forward to playing with my nephew for hours. Most of all I am looking forward to holding the women of my dreams in my arms.

            One of my passions is working with children and young adults. I truly feel I have a positive effect on their lives. It is truly a joy to watch them grow and change. One of the things I always say is “ I don’t accept excuses, I want results”. It is time for me to practice what I preach and to truly lead by example.

            I want to leave you with something my cousin Lindsay once said to me, “Sometimes you have to give up what you have, to get what you want”.