New Year's Eve

Today is the last day of 2006. At this time of the year I always find myself thinking about the past year. This year I am very happy with what I have achieved and about all the seeds I have planted. First off I would like to thank all my family and friends that have stuck by and supported me through out this past year. Without all your help and support I would not be where I am today.
In 2006 I have made a lot of steps towards achieving my goals and to becoming the man I know I can be. I have gone back to school. I started the Educational Assistant Diploma Program in January. Two out of the three semesters have been very successful. It is scary and I struggle a lot, but I am determined to finish it. I need to set a positive example for my God Daughter and the students I work with. This year I have successfully completed the Geneva Centre for Autism’s Intervener program. I have spoken at two special education conferences, and I am looking forward to doing more speaking. I also joined a football team. It was a very ruff start to the season trying to find things that fit, but I am looking forward to playing again this year. I have continued to work with the Council for Exceptional Children and Autism Ontario. I gave the Autism Society there new name. Some people may know that I owned the web site www.autismontario.com. They wanted to change there name and the liked Autism ONTARIO so I gave it to them. With the Council for Exceptional Children I am currently the President Elect. There fore I will be the President of the local chapter next year. I was also nominated for Autism Ontario’s REAACH Awards. That was a great night. I have been working very hard on my web site, and to live my life the way I know I should. I have been working on both my weight/health issues and my money problems. I have taken some huge steps with both. Most importantly I have worked hard to build and keep my relationships with my family and friends. I am very excited to say that I feel closer to my father now then I ever have before, and I am looking forward to the future. Finally I have finished making over my bedroom. This may not seem like a big think, but to me it is. Before I had everything I owned in my bedroom. It was a office, living room and bedroom all in one. And now it is my escape. It is a relaxing place to sleep and unwind from a long hard day. I love it! This is where I would tell you my new year’s resolution, but I don’t have one. I am going to continue to work towards achieving my goals and dreams and becoming the man I know I can be. I wish everyone a Happy and Successful New Year.

Christmas Day

Today is Christmas day! I am at my grand parents. I have not been here for Christmas since before my parents separated eighteen years ago. So I have not been here since I was thirteen. It is kind of weird being here, but I am enjoying myself for the most part. The hardest part is not having my own place to hide. I have noticed that I do that a lot and need it to relax and be comfortable. I am also following my meal plan which is also very isolating. Right now everyone is upstairs eating breakfast. I love breakfast. Besides eating and talking there is not a lot to do up here. I have still been going for my walks. Yesterday I walked in downtown North Bay. This meal plan is not easy, there fore I hope it really works. Christmas just dosen't feel right for some reason.

It is getting closer to Christmas, so people who see me on a daily basis may notice that I am becoming more angry or withdrawn. I don’t understand why people need to in flick more stress and more demand on there life’s. I really hope I can make it till work starts again with out freaking out. I don’t really have a lot to say. I don’t enjoy the Christmas season; I don’t like anything about it. I really think if I make it till January 8th with out screaming, yelling or freaking out I should get a reward.

Tis The Season

It is getting closer to Christmas, so people who see me on a daily basis may notice that I am becoming more angry or withdrawn. I don’t understand why people need to in flick more stress and more demand on there life’s. I really hope I can make it till work starts again with out freaking out. I don’t really have a lot to say. I don’t enjoy the Christmas season; I don’t like anything about it. I really think if I make it till January 8th with out screaming, yelling or freaking out I should get a reward.

Where am I

“Weight Loss is not a treatment for obesity.” I got this quote from my Dad this morning. A few times a week my Father picks me up at 6:45am and then we go for a walk at the mall. I really enjoy this time. There are no interruptions, and we can just talk. I have noticed that when ever I am involved in a social event it includes mostly drinking and eating. With going through health problems related to my obesity I have been spending a lot of time thinking. In one week how many times do we go out and socialize around food or drink, and how many times is it a healthy social meeting. Also a co-worker and I have been following a walking program he has. We have also joined Weight Watchers together. He and I are a lot alike, and it is good to know someone who is going through the same thing that you are. I am not going to be following the Weight Watcher plan one hundred percent. But I will be weighing in every week and going to weekly meetings. The reason for this is I have finally got in to the Obesity Clinic at Hamilton Health Sciences. Now I say finally because I have been waiting for almost two years. So I am on a different lifestyle change that is doctor monitored. Basically I will be eating three meals a day and three snacks a day. Two of the meals will be meal replacement that will have two hundred and fifty to three hundred calories and twelve to fifteen grams of protein. The snacks can be any fruits or vegetables. Also I will only be drinking water, tea or coffee. I will also be doing at least twenty minutes of exercise. For me to say I don’t have time would be like a diabetic saying I don’t have time to take my insulin. It is time to take control and responsibility for my life.

For the most part I am following what the doctor told me to do. I am finding it hard and have always struggled on weekends. The lack of structure is my biggest challenge. This is one of my concerns with the up coming holiday season. I am not going to be working for two weeks, there for it will be like a fourteen day weekend. My other challenge is the sweets that are lying around everywhere. Sometimes I think I would do better if I was alone somewhere for this whole time. But then I am also an emotional eater, so I would probably eat because I was alone.

Another thing they talked about at the clinic is to think about all the things that I have lost because of my obesity. So here is a list of a few things I can think of just off the top of my head. I miss activities that I loved like riding a bike, kayaking, swimming, playing basketball and street hockey. I have to worry about where I sit, will I break the chair, will I fit on the chair, and is there a table to sit at in the restaurant because I don’t fit in booths. I can’t buy clothes at any store that is not a Big and Tall Shop. I have never bought a drum corps T-shirt. I love going to movies, sporting events and live theatre, but it hurts to sit in there seats. I can’t tie my shoes in the center. I can’t play on the ground for a long time with my little god daughter. Walking up stairs hurts my knees. I don’t fit in any chairs at work. I have lost so much and I want it back. I want it all.

Letter to Grama

Dear Big Grama

I have not had the opportunity to come and visit you. I really want you to know that I truly miss you and think about you a lot. I really miss our talks, but still remember all the advice you gave me.

I just want you to know that I am doing ok. My relationship with my Dad and brother has become very strong, and I have been doing my best to be there for all my family members. I have been doing very well in my college work. I am pushing myself to do the best I can do when it comes to my job. Sometimes it is very difficult, because there is not a lot of incentive for me. But when I reach a child and watch them grow it is all worth it. Every time I interact with a student I do everything in my power to treat them with dignity, respect and energy. I know that I can do more, and everyday I try to do just that little bit more. If I am going to ask the students to do there best and try to improve everyday, then so should I.

Brodie is growing up so fast. I love just being around her. I know I could also spend more time with her. I feel bad when a few days go by and I have not seen her. But I am being pulled in so many different directions. I am spending a lot of time working on my health, my education, my career and being the best person I can be.

Finally I just want you to know you will always be in my heart, in my head and in my life. I love you.

I Am Who I Am.

I am a passionate person.
I don’t just walk through the motions.
I put my heart and soul into everything I do.

I am a person with a big heart.
I don’t just sit by as I watch people suffer.
I do everything in my power to help them.

I am a leader.
I don’t talk.
I lead by example.

I am a person with a Learning Disability.
I am not the Learning Disability.
It is just a part of me.

I am a dreamer.
I don’t just live moment to moment.
I plan and work towards the future.

I am a hard worker.
I don’t just sit around hoping for things to happen.
I work hard everyday to be the best person I can be.

I am who I am because no matter what happens I have the choice to accept it, or to change it.

I will never be a prisoner of other people’s beliefs or decisions.